I meet a girl at the parking lot. She is playing a flute made from bamboo. The tone is a soft one, swirling around with the wind. I think of how we choose to express ourselves, of how confident she is with her ability to play that flute. If she’s a musician, she could pick up any kind of flute: Give it a few minutes and she’d be playing away. She’s expressing herself with the music she puts forth. Her muscles know what to do, her mind is relaxed.
I think of what I do to express myself. I use the force of my muscles, tendons and joints. I breathe, I kick, I hang, I pull, I reach, I balance and I use all my mental and physical strength combined to push through whatever challenge I am at. I express myself and I find myself, through myself. Instead of a flute I have a rope, a monofin, a snorkel, a bike and other outdoor equipment. To reach that craved for state of flow I need to be fully absorbed in a physical activity with nature as a backdrop.
It makes me happy to meet the flute playing girl. It relaxes me. We are all different, we carry different needs and abilities and hearing her play makes me want to celebrate our richness as the diverse humans we are. She needs and uses a piece of bamboo, I need and use a nose clip. Both ways are equal.
Its often a struggle for me to allow myself to do the things that are geared towards my own sole enjoyment, such as climbing and freediving. I have a hard time seeing how the world becomes a better place from me having fun and feeling good. I think that’s the main philosophical question I have been grappling with for the past decade or more. I keep on coming back to it over and over again. Only during the past year or two have I been able to release myself from the mental chains made out of guilt for not constantly partaking in the quest for the Greater Good.
Its odd for me to feel this relaxed about the state of the world. Its like I don’t have the need to worry much anymore. I have found many answers regarding what to do and how to act if I want to be a part of regenerating the ecosystems of the Earth, so I focus on those possibilities and strive to do my best. Slowly but surely I am making a positive difference, and I am very grateful for finally having understood that I can only continuously do so if I also allow time and resources for my own personal needs. Such as gathering seaweed 🙂