Farewell competitive freediving

One can only do so many things at one given time. To me that’s been a tough lesson to learn. I love keeping all my different ideas afloat, giving them a push every now and then and never quite saying no to the though of acting on them. It can be frustrating for those close to me and now I’ve come to terms with that it might actually be holding me back. For many years it was a functional and fruitful way of living, right now it’s not.

So.

I’ve decided to let one of my most long lived dreams go to rest: To be a professional freediver. To compete, get sponsorships and teach freediving. To have my life circling around the ocean through this sport.

I think that deep down it was never really something that I wanted to do, but the thought of it was so… alluring. To be that strong athlete, focused and calm, with a clear purpose.

After 14 years of on-and-off training and competing, ranking at best as 3rd in the world, participation in five world championships, setting Swedish records, completing dozens of competition dives and thousands of training dives, I’m now officially saying farewell to the arena of competitive freediving.

Just as freediving once was key to setting me free and setting me apart, giving me that edge I so strongly needed, it is now keeping part of me hostage. I want to keep diving, I just want to undo my ties to the competitive side. If the thought of training for another word championship is going to keep popping up in my mind, I’m going to keep toying with that idea, putting my energy into the field of freediving, when what I really want to do right now is to root myself even more in my chosen field of work as a food-growing gardener and steward of resilient ecosystems.

Thank you all, it’s been a splash, and I could never ever have done it without you ?

You can always invite me along as your mascot ?

Lag-VM i siffror

wc-2106Under årets lag-VM i fridykning fanns ca 90 atleter från 13 länder på plats i Kalamata. I klassisk ordning tävlade vi först i CWT – Constant Weight, därefter STA – Static Apnea, och till sist DYN – Dynamic Apnea. 

Det lag som enligt mig imponerade mest var de japanska damerna som knep ett guld. Efter första tävlingsdagen hade de tagit flest poäng av alla, både damer och herrar, och låg i klar ledning. Det var så kul att få se dem dyka, stabila prestationer och mycket glädje. De tjeckiska och ryska damlandslagen nosade dem ändå i hälarna och tog silver respektive brons.

På herrsidan var det tjeckerna, fransmännen och ryssarna som kämpade om medaljerna och tog guld, silver och brons. Den största dramatiken under hela VM uppstod när en av fransoserna skulle dyka CWT till 101 m, ett efterlängtat personbästa på tävling, men organisationen hade strulat till det och satt linan på endast 81 m. Tyvärr fick atleten inte göra ett nytt dyk och i slutändan fick han ”bara” sina 81 poäng (dvs 1 poäng/m).

Foto Jens StoetznerFlera av lagen var i år välsponsrade och hade coacher med sig, och rörde sig genom VM i egna små grupper. Det var kul att utifrån följa deras samarbete och strategier. De tycktes betydligt mer pressade att prestera än oss som ”skötte oss själva”, samtidigt som vi också hade behövt en coach på plats för att stötta upp.

Tittar vi på placeringarna så var det prestationerna i poolen som pressade upp lagens poäng. Det är ju ett två till ett förhållande för pool vs hav, till skillnad mot de tidigaste lag-VM då endast CWT och STA var med.

Tyvärr fanns det inte någon väl fungerande kanal vad gäller förmedling av startlistor, resultat, bilder mm. En del information kommunicerades via Facebook, men väldigt sporadiskt. Som atlet blir det frustrerande att inte kunna berätta vad som händer för er som sitter där hemma, men vi försökte att uppdatera så gott vi kunde. Jag hoppas att AIDA har en bättre strategi för och ett tydligare samarbete med nästa år organisatör vad gäller detta.

Här är de slutgiltiga resultatlistorna:

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Så hur gick det egentligen för Sverige?

Det svenska damlandslaget bestod av Linda Stenman, Sofia Tapani och mig, Klara Hansson. Herrarna hade i år inget lag på plats.
img_4403Vi tränar alla med Juniordykarna i Göteborg och fick i år stöttning från SSDF, Svenska Sportdykarförbundet, för vår VM-satsning. Vi drog också ihop pengar via en crowdfundingkampanj då det in i det sista var osäkert om SSDF hade budgetutrymme för denna tävling.

Resultatmässigt så låg vi på 5e plats efter CWT med 159 poäng, vilket vi var mycket stolta över. Vi halkade ned till 7e plats med 170,8 poäng efter STA, då jag var förkyld och Linda hade feber. När det var dags för DYN hade Linda fortfarande feber och dessutom smärtor kring buken så hon och jag åkte till sjukhuset för att kolla upp hennes tillstånd. Kapten Sofia fick dyka utan sitt svenska lag och tog 78 poäng peppad av britterna, med vilka vi i princip hade ett gemensamt storlag. Trots detta bortfall kammade vi hem totalt 407,8 poäng och landade därmed på en niondeplats.

Det stora vinsten var inte poängen, utan att vi fick möjlighet att verkligen bygga upp ett lag. Vi agerade som Landslaget, the one and only. Det var storartat!

På personligt plan?

Jag är sjukt stolt över att ha tagit mig tillbaka till landslaget efter att ha opererat mitt vänstra främre korsband och sytt ihop bägge meniskerna bara sju månader innan VM. Det är så häftigt att ha en målbild att jobba mot under rehabilitering! Det var också mitt första lag-VM och min första stora tävling sedan VM 2011. Är löjligt glad över att vara tillbaka, och ser fram emot fler tävlingar!

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Hur fungerade tävlingsorganisationen?

Jag åkte ner redan den 7e september och hade därmed möjlighet att få hela åtta träningsdagar ute i det 26 gradiga, djupblå Medelhavet innan den första tävlingsdagen. Sofia och Linda anslöt den 12e september. Vi fokuserade på att träna ute till havs då vi under sommaren hade haft möjlighet att träna både STA och DYN men inte så mycket CWT.

Stavros Kastrinakis och hans team av säkerhetsdykare på Freediving Club Greece har en väl fungerande set up med två båtar och ett antal uppvärmningsbojar. En båt kör atleter fram och tillbaka mellan stranden och dykplatsen, vilken ligger någon kilometer ut i Kalamatabukten. Den andra båten ankras upp vid dykplatsen och har ett motoriserat antiballastsystem. Som atlet kan du simma fram och be om ett specifikt djup, linan med bottenplatta justeras av en säkerhetsdykare ombord på båten, sedan får du en nedräkning på 3 minuter. Du följs via ekolod och två säkerhetsdykare möter dig när du simmar upp. Nice and simple.

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Under tävlingsdagen hade vi också en stor pråm, inlånad från försvaret, på vilken två av de tre tävlingslinorna var riggade. Det blåste upp till storm och tävlingen fick avbrytas för dagen strax efter att jag gjort mitt dyk.

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Funderar du på att åka dit och träna så är fördelen just den proffsiga riggningen och att du kan bo på Elite hotel vilket är Stavros bas. Ta på dig våtdräkten på rummet, ta din utrustning i handen och gå ner till stranden på tre minuter så blir du upplockad av dykbåten. Nackdelarna t ex är att du inte själv kan ta dig ut till dykplatsen och att det inte heller finns något roligt rev att dyka på efteråt om man känner för lite snorkling med fiskar. En timmes bilfärd bort vid Kardamylis finns i alla fall grottor och tunnlar att dyka i när en behöver få leka av sig i havet…

Summa sumarum så var det ett riktigt bra VM på många plan, och trots att vi inte tog någon medalj så kände vi oss som vinnare. 

Over and out from the Calm Zone 😉

//k

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Back on the National Team in Freediving

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAPhoto: Aleksander Nordahl, www.aleksandernordahl.com
Kielstraumen and Bekkasundet, Bergen, Norway, 2016

I’m a freediver.

Five years ago this was what came out of my heart:

And where was she? In a small fjord in Sweden, gurgling with happiness together with her freediving friends. She said: I too wanna go down with the weights! And so the rope got pulled up again by strong arms, the others watched her while she breathed in – and out – in – and out, and then with a big smile, she nodded and the rope was set free. So was she!
Soaring through the cold sea, down, down, her body vibrating from the speed, her eardrums going : pop : pop : pop : with every equalization, her eyes looking out into the darkness, visibility better than most days, she saw the thermocline passing by, the stinging jellyfish with their long tentacles spread out horizontally as if they were imitating the sun with beautiful rays shooting out from its centre. She saw the rocky grey wall, and thought – this is our own fantastic Green Hole, we don’t need to fly to blue holes in other parts of the world when we have this magic place to come to!
She hung down there for just a few seconds, then pulled once at the rope and started her swim towards the surface. Strong, smooth kicks, eyes semi-closed, just looking at the rope every now and then, and sensing the light coming back as she moved upwards. This was her world, right there and then, she was alone inside the most beautiful element on this planet: Water

Peace. Kick. Ful. Kick. Ness. Kick. Glide.
Breathe!
Alive! So alive!

Five years ago was the last time I was training for a World Championship. I had hubris. I had recently been crowned the worlds third best female freediver.

Five years ago I was crying at that WC because I couldn’t relax and reach my goals in the depth. Hubris…

Five years is not a very long time, yet it felt like an eon passed before I could go back to deep diving just for myself, for fun, for the bliss.

Something finally clicked inside me last year, allowing me access to myself and to the depth again. I calmed down like an excited electron coming back to an inner shell, after emitting sparks and energy further out. I had been spinning for so long… IMG_9792P1090246

This spring I came back to the competitive arena at the Swedish Championships, where I snatched a bronze medal in the only discipline me and my knee were fit to compete in: static apnea, aka ”holding-your-breath-while-lying-still-face-down-in-water”. That dive planted a first seed, a first thought of wanting to compete in the worlds this year with the women’s team. But I pushed it away, thinking my ACL, knee and leg wouldn’t be strong enough by September.

Still the seed grew inside me, and I joked about it with the ladies with whom I would like to have a team, and with the rest of my freediving crew here in Gothenburg. Then Tim said, ”you love freediving, you should go!” Thanks darlin.  So then I asked my physiotherapist what she thought and she said ”GO, you’ll be stronger than ever by then!” Oh. Wow. This lead to asking my bosses if I could have extra time of from the Botanical Garden and they said ”YES, that’s great for you, we’ll make it work!” Oh.

Really? I can go?
I can go!

HELLO! HELLOOOO SWEDISH FREEDIVERS! I WANT A SPOT ON THE TEAM!

I did another qualifying dive in the pool, not pushing it, just getting the score of a DYN, aka ”dive-as-long-as-you-can-with-fins-in-a-pool”. And that was that. Now the qualification window has closed and I’m in, back on the national team for the fifth time together with Linda and Sofia from Fridykarkommunen.se. I couldn’t have hoped for better comrades in this upcoming adventure! Come to think of it, these women are probably the first reason for me wanting to compete this year, because I trust them fully, I trust them with my life in the water, and I know we will rock together!13116245_516252981919290_7241338310897114731_o

I’m glad that my knee injury gave me the chance to grace myself with another shot at a playful, harmonious competition in freediving. Going back to compete in Kalamata, the same place as the last WC I was at in 2011, feels like closing a circle.

No crying this time 🙂

//ze zealion

Gardening the Planet

We all want and need things in life. The ”wants” can differ in all directions, wanting a job or a phone, wanting a girlfriend or a new life. Emotional needs like feeling special and wanted intermingle with physical needs such as food and shelter.

Having had the opportunity throughout life to figure out some of my own wants and needs, I tend to also go meta level to try to see the patterns of these wishes so that I can make them happen more easily and often.

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Just below Cerro Rincon, Silver Mountains, Argentina.

A huge need for me is to live my life in an adventurous way. Pushing my own limits is a constant source of energy, and the opposite – not pushing – is draining. That’s why I freedive. That’s why I climb. That’s why I surf, go long distance cycling, go paragliding, hike for weeks and do all kinds of personal athletic challenges. It’s also why I study, study and study some more – my brain is always in need of new facts, new input. That’s why I started a company and put myself in front of hundreds of students and listeners as an educator.

But, that last bit of starting a company is – in retrospect – also the point when things started getting a bit complicated a few years back. It turned out to be less of an adventure and more of an eroding experience. I turned out more stressed and less free. Sure, it gave me a huge chunk of experiences and new wisdom plus a weird, organically composed human network to tap into, but it also dragged me towards the center of the mass where I really don’t feel that I belong.

This, on the other hand, this is where I belong. In places in nature where most people would think they are about to die, because they’re out of air or just to tired to hold on.

I’m an edge person. I hate being stuck in the middle of something, be that a group of people or an area of science. The way I kindled my little company to life was very much in an edgy way, but in the end the entrepreneurial gravity started tugging at me, spinning me inwards. I was choking and leaking, unable to reset my navigation.

Here’s two important clues as to what happened:

  • I was working solo ==> Not feeding my brain enough, that is: To few deep work relations, to many shallow ones.
  • I was working odd hours ==> Not feeding my personal social adventurous life enough, but instead draining myself of energy.

So what do you do in that position? Keep on going, hoping that you’re soon over the hill and that on the other side you’ll be able to hire colleagues, get a work space and set a routine for your working hours so that you can also have some ”free” time again?

Nah. I did one of my meta level zoomed out analyses and figured it was better to go low key with the entrepreneurial stuff, get a job at an established workplace and start honing my skills and up my experience in the field where I have finally realized that I want to be (even though I have yet to discover on what step in the hierarchy I shall place myself).

That field could be called something like Gardening the Planet, in the most regenerative way possible. I am sure I will get there, and it will be together with others. Meanwhile, I will also hold a large space for adventure.

So here I am, about to start my second season at the Botanical Garden in Gothenburg. I actually feel like I own all my titles now, that I AM a gardener, an engineer, a permaculturist, and that even though I don’t have a paper stating that I’m an adventurer, that doesn’t matter because I’ve always been that. I’m still ranked as the best female freediver in Sweden of all times. I still biked all the way to Gibraltar to look over the strait at Africa while chatting with monkeys. I still moved to Argentina and became una andinista. Those experiences will never go away, and I will be forever grateful to myself for being so annoyingly stubborn that I keep on setting myself new, odd goals.

This summer, we will be swimming for 10 days in a fjord somewhere in Norway, our equipment stuffed on SUP-boards. I am so looking forward to this little adventure and the gardening season, before the larger 15-months adventure goes boom in 2017.

Oskar, Klara and Eric swimming with a longboard in Gullmarsfjorden, 2009.
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Forza! Norway, 2012. I had gotten stung by a wasp, my left foot supersized, unable to squeeze into a pair of climbing shoes. Hiking in flip flops was the alternative option.
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This summer, MounTim will come with me, the sealion, on an ocean adventure… yay!

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Balance

Sometimes I think that climbing and freediving are just two sides of the same coin, and that that’s why I’m so drawn to them. Both activities include close interaction with the elements (e.g. rock or water), a strong mental focus, physical strength, the need to perform and relax at the same time, mostly small scale equipment, an individual performance coupled with the need for a team, and the feeling of being free and one with nature.

But then, when I start to compare how these two activities makes me feel, in my mind and in my body, the differences are abundant.

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Rock climbing, to me, is about the flow and repetition of a differentiated set of small details and small moves. Your hip turning ever so slightly towards the rock face, allowing you to reach that next crimper, then your momentum can be shifted over to your left foot by adjusting your balance on that tiniest of holds, just a small rocking movement and you’re there… You tie into the rope and narrow your world down to what is of the essence of right now – the features of the rock face measured against your bodily and mental capacity. The most beautiful climbs are set in a mental state of flow. You know that you do not know what awaits you up there, and you relish that feeling and succumb to it. Freedom is being fearless.

Freediving is an entirely different set of repetitive movements. They’re larger, more simplified. You are a wave. Punto y final. The pattern of freediving is less complex when it comes to what muscles you use and how you move your body, and so it calls for less mental activity. While practicing freediving, you get to know your own breath before and after a dive, and you familiarize yourself with its impact on your state of being. You get to know your own inner landscape, because during a breath-hold, that’s all there is to see. The only way to escape from meeting yourself is to surface again, and why would you want to do that? A freediver longs for the depth, for the intimacy it provides. Freediving is meditation and thoughtless contemplation. With this self awareness, you walk through everyday life a stronger person. It’s a simple and beautiful gift.

Freediving calms your mind, rock climbing activates it. They both lead to a state of flow, but for different reasons. I cherish them both.

The trick is to understand how to do both without constantly loosing your essential climbing calluses from swimming in the ocean for too long 😉